Before starting a negotiation, it’s really important to understand what you want. Knowing what matters to you—not just what you say you want—will help you negotiate better and get an agreement that fits your values and needs.

Define Your Interests

• Your interests are the real reasons behind what you say you want. They include things like your needs, desires, fears, and dreams.
• Start by asking yourself, “What do I really want?” Are you looking for more money, recognition, a partnership, or simply a solution to a problem? Write down your answers so you can see your goals clearly.

Use the “Five Whys” Technique

• This is a way to find the real reasons for your interests. Start with what you first say you want, and keep asking “why?”
  • For example, if you say, “I want a higher salary,” ask why. Is it for financial security, to help your family, or to feel valued? Keep asking until you find the core reason for what you want.

Prioritize Your Interests

• Not all interests are equally important. Think about which ones matter most to you.
• Make a list with three categories: must-haves, nice-to-haves, and deal-breakers. This will help you stay focused when you talk during negotiations.

Consider the Other Party’s Interests

• Remember, negotiations are not just about you. It’s also about understanding what the other person wants.
• Learn about the other party’s background and what matters to them. Knowing their needs and challenges can help you find solutions that work for both sides.

Utilize Active Listening

• When talking with someone, really listen. Pay attention to what they say and try to understand their point of view.
• Ask questions to make sure you understand them correctly. This can help you find common goals and creative solutions that satisfy both parties.

Practice Self-Reflection

• Think back to past negotiations. How did they go? Were your interests clear? Did you stay focused on what you wanted?
• Learning from past experiences can help you express your interests better in the future.

Visualize Success

• Before a negotiation, take a moment to imagine what a good outcome would look like for both sides. Picture what you and the other person need to feel happy with the agreement.
• This will help you feel more confident and ready for a productive negotiation.

Prepare for Emotional Responses

• Negotiations can get emotional. Know what might trigger your feelings and those of the other person.
• Being prepared for emotions will help you stay in control and focused on your interests. If things get heated, take a deep breath and remember what’s important.

Stay Open to Alternatives

• Sometimes, your interests might lead you to new solutions you didn’t expect. Be willing to consider different options to meet your goals.
• Think of possible solutions beyond your initial ideas. Being creative can help you find agreements that meet your interests without sticking to your first demands.

Incorporate Feedback

• Get input from trusted friends or mentors about your interests and positions before negotiation. Their feedback can help you make your thoughts clearer.
• Be open to adjusting your interests based on what they say. This will help you present your ideas more effectively.

By using these tips, you can clarify your interests before negotiating. This clarity helps you prepare and makes you a stronger negotiator. Good negotiating isn’t just about what you can gain, but also about understanding and advocating for the deeper interests that guide what you want.